If you are human, you are complex!

 

We all embody layers of history, stories, emotions and beliefs. All of these lived experiences have left their imprint and impressions on us, particularly those that we experienced before we turned 7, which is known as the age of reason.

 

Before 7, our brain is in the same state as when we enter hypnosis, so we take in all information into our subconscious and this becomes the default programming that we operate from. Basically, we are unconsciously living from our past. So, “the work”, as it is referred to, is bringing what is unconscious into our conscious awareness so we can create change in our lives. It is a journey of exploring our inner shadowlands and landscapes, getting to know these hidden aspects of ourselves that need our light and love to transform them and call them home.

 

This week I had my first somatic experiencing session with Tara a wonderful somatic practitioner. I have dabbled in somatic work as a massage therapist and received similar work through EFT, so I was excited and ready for what this session would tap into and reveal.  The beauty of this type of work is that it gently pulls back the layers to reveal what is in the subconscious underneath what we see on the surface.

 

As I am doing my best to launch Finding Home, it has become clear to me that I have some past business trauma and long held beliefs that have been impeding my progress, so that was our focus. 

 

I gave a very brief history of my entrepreneurial past and expressed that I have some lingering fear and sense of loss from both of my previous businesses each for different reasons. She asked a few questions for clarity and what resonated was an anxiety of having to start over again.

 

We began the work with breath work. Once grounded she guided me to connecting with my body and asking where the resistance to starting over again resided. It was deep in my gut and behind my eyes. She then led me to bring love and acceptance to these parts, noting that they are allowed to be here. I brought love and light to these areas and asked them questions. 

 

Like other times, when I have done this type of work, there were layers under the conscious resistance to starting over was the fear of failure. It is like a treasure hunt with my body’s wisdom. My body is a library with the history of my life stored inside. There are books and chapters that I know well and others that have become dusty with cobwebs mostly ignored. Those are the places that the answers reside.

 

We did the same practice with the fear of failure to discover hidden beneath it was a shadowy feeling of overwhelm. When we asked my body, “where is overwhelm?”, I tuned in and discovered that it was in and surrounding my upper chest and shoulders, like a heavy dark burden. More breath work was done and questions asked for my body to answer. The answers bubble up from my unconscious quite easily in these quiet states. Revealing a layer of rejection under the overwhelm. 

 

You may wonder if it is worth digging up the past. In my experience the answer is, “yes”. Modalities that are considered, mind-body and energetic seem to support us in truly releasing the past so we can move beyond it. These modalities help to not only reveal what is under the layers, they also assist in releasing stagnant or trapped energy as well as rewire our neural pathways, thus creating permanent change.

 

Once we moved through overwhelm, we began working with rejection. If you have been reading my blog you likely know of my origin trauma of relinquishment. This early trauma created a deep seated fear of rejection that has traveled with me into adulthood. To my joy, it has become smaller and smaller, but here it was popping up to be seen and heard again.

 

Our body reveals what is not yet resolved inside us. Tara asked when I first experienced rejection and I explained that I am adopted and my first experience was at 2 days old. As we talked to rejection, which was seated deep in my coccyx, my infant self made it clear that she was concerned with my moving forward.

 

As I have been feeling whole and integrated, she has been concerned that she will be left behind. Of course she has been, she has a deep seated fear of abandonment. I sensed that she wondered what her role in my life is, now that I have integrated my relinquishment trauma. She felt that I was moving forward with Finding Home and she was no longer allowed to express sorrow or grief over the losses she has experienced. She was afraid that I would no longer allow her the truth of her experiences. As her grief, my grief, came up to be seen, I began to cry. Tara sat quietly with me as witness as I wept and released another layer of grief and loss from long ago.

 

I held Baby Judy and told her that her feelings are allowed and that she will always be a part of me. I let her know that she has my permission to share her grief and pain with me, “I will listen”, I told her. Then we asked her what she wanted and needed to help her, she replied that she would like to play more and then she expressed that she doesn’t want to be called Baby Judy anymore. She wants to be Jude.

 

So, I agreed that she can have whatever name she wants and she seemed content with this.

 

We finished the session with more breath work and discussed all that came up. I felt much lighter having released layer upon layer of emotions, beliefs and patterns in one session. As I look back on this session, I can see the layering of emotions, beliefs and patterns that were peeled back to get to the heart of the matter. This wisdom from within myself will enable me to move forward with ease and confidence. What I thought began with resistance to starting over ended with something completely different. As Rumi said, “Maybe you are searching among branches for what only appears in the roots”.  We often start at the branches because this is what is in our conscious awareness. It often takes guidance or practice to get to through the layers to the root.

“Maybe you are searching among branches for what only appears in the roots.” 

Right now, I feel so thankful for the work I do helping others and for the work I receive from people , like me, who are passionately supporting other humans who carry such a complexity  inside of them. I guide others in mapping a way home to Self, but I too need guidance and support. Gone are the days of doing it all alone. No man is an island.  We are being called into mutually beneficial relationships, connection and collaboration in equity and reciprocity. The work becomes exponential when we witness one another with love and acceptance. This is what Tara did for me skillfully. In peeling back the layers, I connected again with Home and felt a deep sense of peace.

 

As I type these closing sentences, as song by Dolly Parton, that I have not heard before began to play, “Starting Over Again”. I smile inwardly at the joyful synchronicity and wink from the Universe. I see you seeing me,. I laugh because I cannot make this stuff up. It is so funny. Life has a good sense of humor. And as I write this, I remind myself, that I am not starting over, as Tara said, I am building on what I have already experienced and established before with more wisdom now.

 

One thing I wholeheartedly believe is that we have an ever increasing capacity to hold love within ourselves, for ourselves and others. Releasing unresolved traumas from our past is one way we create space for more love and higher feeling frequencies, if you have trauma or desire to learn more about sensory awareness, energetic dynamics or how I can support your growth and transformation journey, please email me today or schedule a FREE discovery call.

 

If you are interested in Somatic Experiencing, please contact Tara Hettrick at: https://embodiedsomatic.com