In the unseen realm when a child is born it receives the magical garment of its people. A cloak, or ethereal skin, that contains the protection and wisdom of its ancestors through a ceremony of initiation in the world. This beautiful ritual of celebration and welcome involves being held by its people and gazed at with love and welcome.

In this gazing a powerful exchange happens. As their eyes meet a connection of soul is activated and the ethereal skin is given as an inner knowing of belonging and wisdom that will help protect, guide and anchor the child throughout its life and assist the child in living a life of joy and purpose.

Each tribe has its own symbol that embodies the healing knowledge and magic of their ancestors; whales, dolphins, eagles, owls, snakes, rabbits, foxes, phoenixes, dragons and more. The creatures come from the primordial elements; air, earth, water and fire, thus the tribes need to work together in harmony to truly step into the power of their magic.

This was how the ancient magic flowed, to keep a balance of power and lead the people toward unity, and so the knowledge one tribe possessed could only be expressed fully through members of that tribe.

One day, long ago a young woman of the Owl Tribe, met a man of the Rabbit Tribe at a party. As with most celebrations there was a festive atmosphere with lots of drinking. The two young people caught each other’s attention and lightly flirted. They found a secret garden where they talked and eventually kissed, but the man took things too far and violated the woman beyond her wishes. She left the party disoriented and went home feeling broken and ashamed. How had she allowed this to happen? Of course there was no answer, as she did not allow it to happen.

Time passed and she felt some distance from the incident that she had hidden from her family and friends. No one knows, she thought as she went on with her life, but one day she realized her body felt different and a sickening horror bubbled up from her belly. An intrinsic knowing, I am carrying HIS child. 

She felt a panicky nausea come in waves followed by revolting emotions of fear. What can I do? What will happen to me? What will I do with this baby, his baby? I am too young, terrified and incapable. Days and weeks passed, she still kept her dark secret. She stayed disconnected from “the” baby willing herself to not allow this to be.

But her belly continued to grow and with each increase to her waist she heard a silent, “here I am”. She eventually broke down and told her mother. Her mother told her father and a plan was set into motion, a plan that her parents thought was best for the girl. You will give your baby to another woman; a woman who longs for a baby, who has a husband, who is from another tribe.  This way, no one will know your secret, you can heal, move on and live a good and happy life. She wanted nothing to do with the baby, so she agreed, this was best.

Throughout her pregnancy, she did her best to remain a stranger to the child that was forming inside her. She would remind the baby by whispering to her belly matter of factly, “you are not my baby”. When the baby arrived, it was a girl, the young mother did not look at her or hold her. 

For two long eternal days the precious girl lay alone terrified and longing for her mother. On the second day the mother came, held her and in that moment the girl felt safe, her body calmed momentarily, but her nervous system was fragile after the two days and sensed something was wrong. The young mother stoically handed her over to strangers from the Dog Tribe; known to possess the wisdom of loyalty and unconditional love.

The Dog Tribe parents were overjoyed to add a new member to their clan. They welcomed the infant, as each tribe does, with the ceremony of welcoming and gazing, but the infant did not recognize the code of the Dog Tribe. Not only could she not recognize their ethereal code, she was overwhelmed with fear, so all messages were being filtered through her unconscious survival instincts. Everything was garbled. She cried and cried as it was her only language, but just as she could not interpret their code, nor could they fully interpret hers. They did their best to soothe her, but much was lost in translation. Confused and bewildered, the infant was only able to receive bits and pieces of their code, for the way of nature is that the initial ethereal code is passed down from one generation to the next through their DNA and energetic bonds. The long reaching effects of this deficient transfer of ethereal code would not be understood until much later in the young Owl baby’s life.

As the Owl baby grew, she looked like all others, but Owl Tribe wisdom lived unactivated inside her. She grew with the Dog Tribe and did her best to fit in, but knew she was different. She watched them like an outsider observing their behavior and cues.

“I can mimic and they will think I belong,” she thought.

She was accepted and loved as one of the Tribe. She participated in all their events and celebrations. She lived among them and loved them back, but the problem remained unspoken inside of her, “I don’t belong”. 

Over time, she was able to incorporate some of the Dog Tribe magic, this pleased her parents and siblings, but sometimes Owl magic would effortlessly surface and because they did not understand it, they would encourage her to stop, to push it down, to be a Dog. This led to her spending hours and hours alone. Alone she could be herself, free, unhindered and unseen. Alone she explored secret parts of herself. Alone she was a complex mixture of happy, sad and depressed. Alone she was part Dog, Owl and Rabbit. Alone only she understood that she didn’t belong, she was an orphan, had no tribe and needed to care for herself. Alone was how she always felt.

Her Dog parents were kind and loving, they did their best to try to understand and encourage her, but they could not see the turmoil buried within and they did not understand that she needed the wisdom and magic of her tribe. They did their best, but could not fill the void of what their daughter needed, but would never have; her name, tribe, ancestors, wisdom, culture, initiations, rituals, ceremony, language, history, food, magic and DNA. It was all robbed from her and they could never fathom the enormity of it. Who could imagine such a loss except those who have experienced it?

Because her identity was stolen and she was given a new one, the young girl lived secretly always wondering; “Who am I? Where am I from? Who are my people? Who is my mother?”.

Knowing that anyone could be her people, family, tribe, or mother, coupled with the wisdom of unconditional love of the Dog Tribe, she would study other cultures and love them. As she explored and discovered things that intrigued her, made her smile and delighted her soul she saw beyond the rules and structures of the Tribes, she stumbled upon the thin red line of Truth that ran through them all and this gave her a different kind of wisdom seldom seen in someone so young. She had an understanding that beyond the tribal ways, all were one people, one tribe and if they could understand this there would be great harmony and healing for the world.

Making friends from other Tribes became part of her daily life; she would go to their homes, eat their food, laugh at their jokes and learn from their wisdom. In a need to find belonging, she mirrored their wisdom and ways back to them, hoping to find where she fit. She explored the way of the mermaid, bear, fox, goat, cardinal, snake and dragon. Observing and mirroring back, like playing a game of charades, but always inside “who am I?” echoed from deep within. She felt at home to some degree in each culture, but which was hers? 

“Do I belong here?”, she would ask herself, but always at some point she would realize there are pieces that feel good, but I do not fit. I do not belong here. She often wondered, do I belong anywhere? This dynamic left her constantly feeling alone, lost, confused and depressed. In the silence of darkness before she fell asleep her heart would ache and silent tears would form as she wondered, “Is this painful loneliness and longing life? It does not seem so for others, why is it like this for me?”.

Decades passed. She matured and learned to navigate life and these feelings with greater ease. She married a man from the Ox Tribe and was miserable. Everyone knows that Owls and Ox are difficult to create a happy union, but Dog and Ox often are suitable, so she was encouraged in this union, but quickly realized it was not a good partnership. 

Through the years she had gathered bits of different tribes’ wisdom and unknowingly embedded  it as best as she could into her patchwork quilt ethereal skin, but Ox was so difficult for her to understand or accept. Ox are a stubborn and proud tribe who are gifted with the wisdom of service and patience. Much service was expected of her, but without the wisdom of the Owl Tribe to guide her in balance and boundaries, she gave too much of herself away. Her ethereal skin became depleted leaving her miserable and hopeless and she did not know how to fix it. There came a day when she realized she was slowly dying inside, her ethereal skin had become so thin and mix-matched that she no longer knew who she was at all. Owl Wisdom slowly made its way to her mind through an image of a bird flying away. “I must fly away”, she thought to herself.

Eventually, for her own well-being she left the Ox Tribe. It cost her greatly as she faced every fear within her and an uncertain future.

Fate, knowing she was now ready, came to her through the Phoenix Tribe. She had heard of the Phoenix, but had not paid much attention to them. But when Phoenix came into her awareness it came with a powerful bang! She felt such a strong knowing and resonance, “these are my people”, she thought for the first time in her life.

She instantly fell in love with their culture, humor, way of life, language, beliefs, people and food. Deep within there was a draw to go to the distant land of the Phoenix, but her strength had become so feeble that she could not even imagine this happening. She told her children, “when I die, take my ashes to the land of the Phoenix and let the wind carry me away, so the earth of the Phoenix can receive me home.”

One day when she visited a good friend from the Dragon Tribe and told her of these feelings about the Phoenix her friend encouraged her, “you must go. Do not be afraid. Go to the land of the Phoenix.” The Dragon are known for their wisdom of courage. They live their lives purpose with strength, passion and a fierce raw power, so she listened intently and made a decision to go to the Land of the Phoenix.

Fearful, she planned her trip, the adventure of a lifetime, to explore alone the land of the Phoenix.

She went and loved it more than she imagined. She wrote, “I am among people who do not look like me or know how I love them. I feel at home here, how ironic, when I am home, I look like those who surround me, but I do not feel at home”.

When her trip was over she left, more in love with the Land of the Phoenix than when she had embarked on her journey. It resonated so deeply with her soul, and of course it would, because the Phoenix Tribe and Owl Tribes are very similar in their wisdom and magic. It was a close match, but even so a close match is not a match at all.

Eventually, she met a man of the Phoenix Tribe. His soul called to hers. It felt so alluring and right. They got along with ease and experienced so much joy. After years of misery it felt like destiny, but it was fate and without the innate wisdom of her people it was difficult to differentiate the two. Destiny and fate are similar and easy to confuse, but destiny ends so much better than fate. Yet, in the very end both lead to the path of your destiny.

She longed deeply for home, but because this longing had been her lifelong companion and was unspoken she could not see how much it was influencing her choices and without the ceremony of Welcome and Gazing she did not have the discernment needed to recognize Home or her deep felt need for it.

This unawareness led her to make many mistakes and to be developmentally arrested in obscure ways. No one but she knew the weight of living outside her tribe or the toll it took on her soul. Like a desert bedouin searching for life giving water she had searched unconsciously so when she visited the land of the Phoenix she convinced herself she found what she had always been looking for but in the end it was only a mirage so because of this tender blind-spot she set herself up for a huge fall.

She fell deeply in love with the man of the Phoenix Tribe and he with her. She traveled to the Land of Phoenix many times to see him. When apart they talked daily. They dreamt of creating a beautiful life together. Many words were spoken, precious experiences shared and promises made.

Finally, after years of longing, plans were made and she excitedly took a leap of faith to live in the Land of the Phoenix. This would come at a great price which she consciously calculated. She weighed out living the life she had always dreamed of versus that which she would leave behind. She had lived her life  in a world that she never truly felt she fit in. She had not been able to be herself fully so her decision was easily made. Joyfully she chose an uncertain future over the shadowy life she had known. She left behind things beyond value; like family, her healing work and community. These were irreplaceable, but she knew she could not survive if she stayed, because her soul kept telling her there was something more and she had to find it. She felt like her soul was shouting this at her.  She must try.

With all those who knew her cheering her on, she left, but when she arrived he changed his mind and on the second day said, “let us be friends. Let us stay like this. We will live apart and see each other when we wish”. 

Horrified, heart broken and devastated she collapsed; physically and spiritually crumbled. She thought she might die. How could she live? She slept and wanted to keep sleeping. What would she do now? She had paid a hefty price to move to the Land of the Phoenix and without his invitation she could not stay permanently. Layers of heartbreak opened up her heart to the grief and awareness of soul loss she had when she came into this world without a name, history or home, she had no anchor here. Not in the Land of the Phoenix and not in the world. The only thing that remained was herself. 

Shadowy images of feelings from her first days came to visit her mind. In her body she remembered for the first time, “I felt like dying. I was terrified. I tried to tell them through my tears and crying, but they did not understand me. I was alone. I wanted my mother.” She wept. Instantly, all the pieces of her life made sense. She could see how her longing had created so much fear within her that it drove her to make sacrifices for belonging. She had abandoned herself over and over again. She was the creator of her own worst suffering. How could this be? This experience mirrored exactly her first, but now she was an adult, so she could see what she needed to see; home was what she had to create for herself, starting with a felt sense of safety to belong in the world. At this moment she made a vow to herself, “I will never abandon you again.” It felt good. It felt shaky. Time would be needed for her to trust her own words after a lifetime of abandonment.

She left the Land of Phoenix with a bundle of wonderful memories, determination, uncertainty and previously unknown feeling of shame that had always been concealed from her awareness. When she arrived back home she took time to process her grief and loss felt from two different experiences decades apart, but they were one and the same, the loss of the most important person in which her dreams and survival depended and the loss of home. “Home, what is home? What does it feel like? How do I recognize home?”

“Home is my sanctuary,” she thought, “so I need to develop a felt sense of safety within myself. I need to honor what I feel in my body, because it is my innate guidance system. I need to connect with that wisdom within me. This will guide me to Home.”

Owl wisdom and magic began to bubble up to the surface from her unconscious to her conscious. She began to know and listen to its voice. As she thought over her life and began to differentiate what is her authentic essence and what is skewed perception because of her traumatic beginnings she realized she had a beautiful life. She always belonged because Life wanted her. Living among Dog Tribe showed her the way of unconditional love through loving her even though she was from a different Tribe and they always accepted her as she was even if they could not understand.

Suddenly, she realized that her time among friends from different tribes and her curiosity about their cultures was really an unconscious search for home! Thinking back upon how she fit into each tribe by mirroring the parts that resonated with her she realized she had embodied parts of their wisdom. She had shapeshifted into many creatures throughout her life of trying to fit in.

“I can be who I want to be! I can choose for myself!” She asked herself many questions; “Who are you? I hardly know, I am who I am. Why do I have to choose? I thought I was a Phoenix, but I am an Owl and Rabbit and so much more at the same time.” I cannot go back and be an Owl or Rabbit. I feel the wisdom within me, but the exchange in the ethers was never complete. It is but a faded dream that I can never fully step into and become. It is best that I chose my identity for myself.”

As she studied tribe wisdom and magic she read of the Raven Tribe who embody prophecy, insight, transformation and intelligence. They were known for their long-term success in love, being happy and confident. She meditated on Raven Tribe mysticism and felt into their wisdom. “I like Raven”, she said out loud to herself. She felt a slight tingling in her limbs, she knew her soul was saying, “yes”.

A few days later she went for a walk and a raven cawed above her catching her attention. Glancing up at this creature she wished it to come to her, instantly the bird flew down to a large rock that sat outside of her house. The hairs on her body rose and she felt chills coursing through her as time slowed and the earth felt still. 

Cautiously, she took a small step toward the bird. It looked at her seemingly uninterested, yet its eyes held hers without looking away.

“Hello Raven, I long to be a member of your tribe, will you invite me in?”

The Raven gazed at her directly and she felt an energy coursing between them. For how long, she did not know, but suddenly her body twitched as though she were coming out of a trance and the bird flew away. She felt different, she knew it could be her imagination, but it felt so real. She was a Raven and she knew that if she wanted, she could embody whatever tribal wisdom and magic she wished. She belonged everywhere and nowhere, because she belonged to herself.