“Unworthiness is the inmost frightening thought that you do not belong, no matter how much you want to belong, that you are an outsider and will always be an outsider. It is the idea that you are flawed and cannot be fixed. It is wanting to be loved and feeling unlovable, or wanting to love and feeling that you are not capable of loving.” Gary Zukav

It seems like the feeling of “”unworthiness” is rampant. How can one tell?

By observing how we treat each other, the planet and most importantly ourselves. Look around you; your family, neighborhood, country and the world. What do you see? I see wounded people, trauma playing out in our stories.

Often we can see the mess of it all. Blame politicians, other people, but make excuses for ourselves. Why?

Because we know our own story.

 

We know why we do what we do. We understand the reasoning behind our choices. Our egos are trying to project the image of ourselves that makes us feel ok. Because we want to be alright, worthy, have the right to belong. We want to find our “tribe” the people who get us, understand us and accept us just as we are.  We need to belong, so we ignore the plank in our eye and focus on someone elses or society’s plank.

We come into the world ready to belong, bond and attach. This powerful first instinct is archetypal. Think of the feeling of home, safety, family and belonging. (let yourself connect with that feeling for a moment). Note how it feels so when you feel it again, you will be aware of this feeling of safety. We all need to cultivate a felt sense of safety so that we can make choices from a grounded place instead of reactionary choices based in fear or lack.

Often, starting from a very early age, it may be our experience, that the world seems to offer little hospitality or welcome for who we actually are. 

Often we are too young to realize the desires, ideals, and expectations that are being placed upon us. But, we have a system of sensory processing that quickly teaches us what is acceptable in our environment or not. We see expressions of approval or disapproval. We instinctually want approval and acceptance, so we subconsciously morph ourselves into the image of what we think is acceptable. We create roles to protect ourselves. Why? Because we are hardwired for belonging. Not long ago, if you did not fit in, you would be “cast out” of the tribe and survival was not guaranteed.

“We can’t go it alone. We are neurobiologically hardwired for connection with other people in the absence of connection, love and belonging there is always suffering.” — Brené Brown

We are all on a journey of discovering our true authentic Self which requires facing our Egos. The ego-mind refers to the aspect of our personality that’s built up learned beliefs, self-image, and external validation, often creating a sense of self that is separate from our true essence.  However, it’s crucial to understand that this is not actually YOU. It’s only who you think you are – and there’s a world of difference between that “you” and your true Self, what is known as your higher self, what I call your essence. Your Wild Self.

It is here that the true work begins. Where we journey in the shadows and Wonderland. Discovering what is real and what is illusion. Facing fears and finding fear has influenced our choices for far too long. In this place we discover where we have become small and reclaim our power. What is our power? It is the ability to be our true selves in a world that feels hostile to our genuine Self. It is the ability to choose and take responsibility for our choices instead of giving OUR CHOICE to another.

We are powerful. Every day we make choices and create our reality, but often we are on auto-pilot. We have deferred our power away in tiny pieces over time. Instead of owning our power, we rely on our subconscious default settings and walk through life in a haze of daily routine. These settings were input to our subconscious long ago through experience, before we remember or were aware of the wiring being done.

In the last few years, the concept of “My Tribe”, want to find “My Tribe”, “”she is part of My Tribe” has grown in popularity. It is cool and catchy. At first, I felt the longing deep within me, I want to find “My Tribe”. I too, have that longing! I can understand why it is popular, it resonated with a deep truth/need within our collective psyche. We were showered with beautiful bohemian women, laughing,  frolicking and sharing secrets over wine with their besties, BFFs, their inner circle.

The term “My Tribe” began to remind me a bit of middle school. The clicks. The haves and have nots. The accepted ones and the outsiders. Us and them. Ownership. My Tribe. An extension of our instinctual cry for belonging. A sign of how separate and alone we truly feel as a society. Perhaps it especially resonated for women. A craving for abiding friendship and sacred circle. The need is there, but are we trying to fill the need before we have found Self? Before we have loved and accepted Self?

For me, I began saying, “I belong to me”. It has been healing and freeing.  Somehow it has given me a sense of value and belonging. Acceptance. Belonging to me, means I value and care for myself. I am worth everything to me. I love me. I give myself permission to enjoy life, to choose what is pleasurable to me, to choose what works for me and let go of what doesn’t, to listen to my heart, body and intuition. To discover my connection to Sacred. In doing so I discovered my intuition and inner guidance is right.

I was designed to know what is right for me. Outside voices and opinions mean less and less. Like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, the answer, the power, was always within and with her. Acceptance and belonging starts with self love. Once we have found this gem, we will begin to heal. We will begin to have healthier relationships and a fuller sense of belonging to ourselves, our friends and family, the world and the Cosmos because the truth is we are One Tribe!

Misery Loves Company. — Anonymous

In my experience this saying is true, “misery loves company”, but the reverse is also true. People who are empowered, healed, happy, whole and loved, like to fill others up with the same. It is so important for us to do the “self work”. To go on the Inner Journey. Your greatest frontier is YOU! Our inner world is reflected in our outer reality. If we want the world to change, it truly begins with you, me, us. The journey inward can be scary, painful and overwhelming, but it is also healing, freeing and empowering. It is within that we find belonging, wholeness, worth and love.

I have great love and compassion for each of you. Thank you for journeying with me. There are many tools to help us on our inward journey. Tools that help us discover what is in the shadows, tools that heal and tools that light our path. If you want to begin or find yourself feeling a bit lost. Please reach out to me, schedule a FREE discovery call.