This is my first mother’s day without my mom. I have mixed emotions. Many layers of thoughts and feelings are arising from both my experience as a daughter and as a mother.

I am filled with gratitude for my own experience as a mother. I love my four sons and am proud of the caring young men they are becoming. Any mother knows that being one is a rough and rugged road with highs, lows along with unexpected twists and turns; like labor and delivery, there are moments that are excruciating, but once passed, in hindsight, only make you feel deeper love.

Our experiences with our mothers run deep. Probably because she is the only person we were actually one with in the physical sense. We begin our existence as one flesh. Take a moment and fathom this miracle. We are mysteriously woven together with genetic code from material provided by another human being. We are formed within her womb of life, safely growing in the warmth of her love, nourished from her very being, until it is time to be birthed and come forth into the world. This is the one and only time in our lives that we are one flesh with another, unless we become a mother. This is literal, not figurative or symbolic, we are one flesh. Scientifically we can understand, but who can truly comprehend?

I loved being pregnant. Besides a little morning sickness and exhaustion during the first trimester, I felt marvelous. Happy, excited, glowing and in love with the little human developing within. I talked, sang, read to and prayed over the little one inside me. Dreams of who they would become filled my mind daily. My children were each desperately wanted and completely loved long before I heard their first cry. Flesh of my flesh. Bone of my Bone. My love became living human beings that walk this earth. Oh great mystery. The love of Divine manifests as each one of us.

“Every individual is the unique manifestation of the Whole, as every branch is a particular outreaching of the tree.”

Alan Watts

 

We often hear, we are one with God, but usually in the context of Father God or Jesus, and in my experience of Divine Father, he feels a bit distant. Jesus has felt closer, but more like a Divine Brother and friend. And my attempts at Oneness in church were from the understanding of Bride and Bridegroom, the expression of this in church borders on sexual and awkward. Perhaps our relationship with Divine, in understanding of Divine Oneness, is best experienced through Divine Mother? It feels more natural, as that is our experience in life. I believe it can help us comprehend and connect to the reality and truth of oneness more fully. In my opinion, it is worth exploring.

Most infants go from the warmth of their mother’s womb to the warmth of her breast and arms. Their first experience in the world mimics that of their womb experience; warmth, safety, love, and abundant nourishment; drinking from a fountain that replenishes naturally, there is always enough. They arrive through the portal of their mother’s flesh, welcomed into the world and given the message you are wanted, you are safe, you are cared for and you belong.

Our relationship with Mother is the primal building block of our sense of security and self worth. She is our initial primary caregiver and experience of the world. We know that our first years shape and mold us in ways that we do not always understand. These unremembered experiences become the default programming of our subconscious.

In the last year, I have come to understand the effects of my first moments. Being relinquished by my biological mother caused subconscious trauma that distorted my lens on life. Being here, did not feel safe. I could not fully see or receive the love of my adoptive family, including my wonderful mom. Thankfully, the discovery of my trauma, enabled me to experience a level of understanding that allowed me to heal enough to see the past differently and connect with my mother more intimately before her death in January.

As I was healing from my primal wound, Divine Mother energy began coming to me through different experiences. At first I was not aware of her. She came quietly, gently. It took a long time, before I could look back and see the thumb print of her energy and message in my life.

One such experience happened shortly after discovery of my trauma. I was feeling the need for energetic healing, so I scheduled a Reiki session. I shared what I was going through and my practitioner decided to connect me to Divine Mother in womb experience. In that session, I connected to a deep serenity; a silent warm acceptance and love. It was dark, but I felt so safe, like I was floating in the darkness of a  matter that was the essence of love. That profound experience was the beginnings of connecting consciously with Divine Feminine. Specifically, Divine Mother. It was the first steps of deeper healing. The Divine Mother soothed my sorrow with her comfort and I was able to walk through my most painful wound; relinquishment from the one person who should have kept me, my mother.

We all have trauma and wounds, that shape our beliefs about life and ourselves, in that I am not unique. Humanity is in need of healing. When we are young and skin our knee or have a bad day, we run to our moms for comfort. When I am sick there is nothing I want more than my mother’s homemade beef vegetable soup. Mother is comfort, love, safety, abundance and nourishment. Mother energy can be healing, a salve to soothe wounds. A good mother attends to her children’s needs. This is what I am experiencing and learning as I connect to Divine Mother energy.

The Universe is the Womb of all creation and planet earth is our Gaia, Mother, abundant and generous giving of herself as a good mother does, we can receive from her goodness anytime we desire. She is there for us.

With our disconnect from the Divine Feminine we are unbalanced, missing out on an important aspect of Divine. During this current shift of consciousness, we are becoming more aware of her presence. She is someone we all need to connect and receive from. I believe she is important to our individual and collective healing and becoming who we are meant to be.

Today, on Mother’s Day spend some time with her, connect and thank her for compassion, mercy and abundant love. Go out in nature and feel the warmth of the sun or walk barefoot in the grass and allow her to anchor and ground you with her calm. Or get cozy and meditate on the womb experience, that memory is encoded within us. Or place your hand on your heart and invite her in, tell her you want to experience her love, that you are open to her energy, then believe she will begin to show up in signs, symbols and synchronicity.

We all have mothers and it seems that our relationship with her is often a mix of love and complexities, because we are human. No matter how you relate to mom, the Divine Mother is longing to heal, comfort, hold and shine love on you today. The wonderful thing about Divine energy, we can always experience it, it is within us. We can connect with the profound sacred secure feeling of Source, Divine Mother, anytime we desire and it will soothe our wounds; one moment at a time. Our Mother’s arms are open and welcoming. There is great love for you here.