Do you ever feel sad, agitated, disappointed, depressed, angry, frustrated, ugly, gross or just hopeless when you look in the mirror?  Why is it so hard? Loving me…..

Why is it so difficult for us to love ourselves?  Is it social media?  Television, movies, magazines? The bombardment of  images of supposed perfect beauty? The seemingly unattainable standards we hold ourselves to? Childhood experiences? Words spoken? Or something deeper like our belief system?  We are complex beings, the truth is, I don’t know what causes it.  Probably all the above and more.

We each have things about ourselves we don’t like.  Why is it hard for us to accept ourselves?

As a massage therapist, I see bodies.  It’s part of the job, little parts of the body poking out from under a sheet.  An arm, a leg, a back or a foot.  I work on men and women, children, teens, seniors, short and tall, thin and thick.  I have seen different shapes, colors and sizes and I always think they are beautiful.  I really do.  I have no difficulty seeing the beauty of the human form.  Each body has a story it tells and I appreciate everyone’s story.

So, why do I struggle with mine?  I have asked myself this several times in my years as a therapist.  I don’t think I am ugly or unattractive, but I have believed I am not pretty enough, thin enough, attractive enough.  These thoughts play like static noise inside my head.

Honestly, I wasn’t aware how much self loathing was taking up space in my mind.  Insidious thoughts each time I looked in the mirror.  I would see good, but there was always some deficiency as well.

Aging hasn’t helped. I wake up some mornings, look in the mirror and overnight have birthed a new wrinkle. Seriously, it’s true. I am determined to love my age. I have enjoyed every stage of my life, especially now.  I feel better and enjoy life more than I ever have.

Spiritually, energetically, I know that these thoughts do not align with my true authentic, or higher self. Our body is a “temple”, an earth suit, our home on this earth. When we have these thoughts or speak these words, we are out of alignment energetically and lower our vibrational frequency. They are resistance to who we are and cause resistance to what we actually desire. Healthy, satisfactory, enjoyable lives.  How can we be happy when we do not fully embrace and love ourselves?

I began to ask myself, how can I do that to my physical being?  How can I accept myself?  How do I come into alignment with truth? I am fearfully and wonderfully made; there is no flaw.

“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.”  Sophia Loren

The first step in the process always begins with awareness.  I first had to bring awareness to my self diminishing thoughts. I began noticing how often I would think, oh my stomach looks awful or be displeased with my thighs or my skin. I had not been aware at the frequency of such unpleasant feelings I had about myself. It made me sad. Awareness made me face the truth that I had self-loathing within me. I had been in denial of it for a long time. It was always there, inside of me, chattering away and chipping away at my self-worth.

This summer I took Lomi Lomi, Hawaiian massage continuing education course. It is a beautiful modality that incorporates long flowing strokes, a lot of arm work and looks like a Hula dance around the massage table. This traditional native massage dates back many centuries and combines massage and energy work to heal the body.

During the class I learned Ho’oponopono, a Hawaiian forgiveness prayer or mantra. They believe it was given to them by the Divine as a healing tool. We were taught to use it silently over our clients to help heal their bodies. A beautiful blessing with the intention of bringing wholeness and healing. I had heard recently how a psychologist used this with patients in assisting them in their recovery.  A few days later I heard a Tantra teacher saying she uses it with her own body,  The idea resonated with me so I decided to give it a try.

I lay quietly and gently placed my hand over my stomach and began to rub it, like a mom rubbing her child when he has a tummy ache.  With a soft nuturing touch I began.

I am sorry. I am sorry for not being thankful for you.  For not loving you as I should.

Please forgive me.  Please forgive me for speaking mean words to you, for being angry with you, for not caring for you, tending to you, for feeling disgusted by you….please forgive me.

Thank you.  Thank you for carrying my four handsome sons who give me so much joy.  Thank you for nourishing them while they grew inside me.  Thank you for giving them life. (As I thought about my children, I was filled with gratitude for my stomach and felt more connected to it and grateful.  A small shift began.)

I love you.  I love you. (then I felt the urge to add) I love you and I commit to no longer speaking badly to you or about you.

I repeated this process for each body part that I have hated, wished I could change, etc.  Gently touching that part, nourishing with my touch and words. Until I felt done.

Over the next few days I noticed a subtle difference.  When I looked in the mirror I felt better.  I felt slightly better in general.  I became more aware of my thoughts and words regarding my body.

Am I perfect? No.  Do I completely love myself 100%? No, but it was a step in the right direction and I know this tool is available to me.  A way to create sacred space for me to appreciate myself, to nurture and love myself.  Such a simple act, but it felt so powerful and my body appreciated the loving attention from me.  Somehow the fact that it came from me, was healing.  I didn’t exaggerate or lie to myself, it was more an act of acknowledgement, thanking my body for how good it has been to me, thanking it for the measure of health I have been given, for the things I am able to do, accepting it’s beauty as it is.  In acceptance, I discovered peace.

Acceptance is part of the key.  When we look in the mirror and focus on what we do not like, our thoughts and emotions follow.  Where our focus goes our energy flows.  Causing resistance to what is.  Resistance to self is not a good thing, it does not bring happiness or joy, that is for certain.  So again, my lesson from Divine has been let go, accept and magically I am happier and more at ease.

Now, the work begins.  Continue on this path.  Use the tools I know when the noise of dislike fills my head.  Listen to and love my body.

Interestingly, the more joyful I feel, the easier it is becoming to take better care of my body; nourishment, exercise, sleep, etc.  I think I am falling in love with me.  And it feels really great.

Now when I look in the mirror, I give myself a wink and a kiss. xoxo

 

If you have any questions about Ho’oponopono or comments, please leave a comment below or email me.  I would love to hear from your or assist you on your wellness journey.