Before arriving, I was prepared. Prepared long before my life began. Encoded in my DNA was a plan. Symbols were embedded and time-released. These symbols would manifest through intuitive hits, activating guidance and understanding. Like the key or legend on a map, these symbols indicated what was important to pay attention to or to follow. My body would tingle and light up, signaling me with a clear “yes, this is the way” or “no, not that direction.”

It is clear to me now that I agreed to come into this world through trauma. You might not like that or believe any of this, and I am okay with that. The closer I got to my arrival, the clearer this became, but now that I have arrived, there is no denying my truth.

Somehow, I always knew, but it lay beneath the surface, waiting to be uncovered one step at a time, for we see through a glass dimly. We come here without remembering who we are until we do. Hidden beneath layers of trauma, both ancestral and our own, is the truth of who we are. When we awaken to a healing or transformational journey, we begin shedding those layers.

For me, I had moments of awakening: during my near-death experience in 1991, through unexpected “ah-ha” moments of knowing, through spirit guides, other star seeds, channels, shamanic journeys, past life regression, meditations, and as a massage therapist therapeutically touching bodies. Reiki sessions and encounters with others in the ethers played a role, but perhaps most importantly, I engaged directly with Truth, Wisdom, Gratitude, Love, and Life. These sentient elementals guided me to this point.

I have arrived. I have come to remembrance. I have traveled a long way to be here in this body at this time. As I write these words, I realize this sounds crazy, yet I cannot deny the truth of who I am.

I agreed to be born of trauma and to carry ancient trauma passed down through my physical DNA. I chose to navigate systems, helping deconstruct a system of injustice that perpetuates harm and feeds power through fear. It is toxic, affecting us all, even those who are not consciously aware. I did this to template healing and new ways of being.

Returning to my arrival, I will share everything, and because of how it unfolded, you may want to dismiss its validity, but it was the most tangible and affirming experience of my life alongside my near-death experience.

For a long time, I wanted to try plant medicine. The first time I heard about ayahuasca was in the mid-90s through Sting. He had gone to Brazil and had an experience resembling my near-death experience, and I longed to return to that state of peace, love, and bliss. I thought “I want to try that someday”, even though I knew it contradicted the Christian doctrine I was following at the time. I didn’t care, for I understood the Truth beyond the confines they tried to impose.

Until November 11, 2024, I had not tried plant medicine. On this day, Life orchestrated everything perfectly for me to journey and receive sacred messages and experiences. I was gifted the perfect guide: my friend, fellow adoptee, and therapist, Michelle Diggs. She was also a massage therapist and incorporated that into my session, which was ideal for me.

I believe that Life knows us intimately and leads us along the gentlest path possible Home. However, things get tricky when we resist. Fear causes a lot of resistance. Love for self and trust in Self and Life is the key to allowance. I have had several moments where I could see the orchestration of the Universe. In those instances, I realized it has always been supportive and in my favor. This moment was one of those times.

Michelle was going to a retreat in Boone and planned to visit her birth mom in Greenville afterward. We decided to meet, and she would stay the night, perfect timing for me to explore plant medicine. Originally, we planned for Sunday, but she was exhausted from her retreat, so we pushed it back to Monday. Only when I entered the session did I realize the date, 11/11, known as a high-frequency energy portal. I understood the significance: my entire life had unfolded to lead me to this moment, to receive this message on such a potent day.

It was a gray, rainy day, perfect for staying in. She provided the psilocybin in chocolate along with a cup of herbal tea. We prepared in a relaxed yet excited state. Before starting, I went to use the restroom, feeling light but unsure if it had begun to influence me yet. As I washed my hands and looked in the mirror, I thought, “I am so beautiful.” Then it struck me how beautiful I am in all aspects as I walked back to the room we had set up. I knew it was kicking in because the reality of my beauty resonated in my bones. No one could tell me otherwise or make me doubt it.

I laid down on the massage table, eyes closed, soothing music playing, and gentle touch enveloping me. I began to melt away into ease and abandonment, drifting into the soft darkness of my inner space. Slowly, my inner world transformed into a kaleidoscope of beautiful colors and shapes, shifting and swirling; it felt almost like tumbling down a rabbit hole, smooth and without the bumps and bruises.

Suddenly, all was dark. I was beyond my consciousness, beyond time and space. I was nowhere and everywhere, home on the table. I was nothing and everything. I don’t know if I fell asleep; I don’t think so. The next thing I know, a clear hatch is being opened for me. I awaken, surrounded by pale pink, silver, and gold light. A being I can’t fully see says, “Welcome Traveler, you’ve come light years to be here. You’ve arrived.”

From that point forward, all the messages focused on my “arrival.” It became evident that I am what people refer to as a Starseed. I don’t know what to call myself; I am just me. Nothing has changed, and everything has changed.

In a brief moment, I could see how much I have worked to heal, transform, and overcome. I realized I have done it. The message coming through was all the truths of reality as I understand them, are correct, real. I felt so affirmed and then some! The message was: “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have arrived; soak it in.”

As Michelle intuitively massaged areas needing to release lingering tension or stuck energy, it felt easy and gentle due to all the work I had done. It resembled painless birthing, with all the connections I had been cultivating coming online. Their message continued to resonate and expand: “Welcome Traveler, you have arrived at this point in time, the one you planned for this final awakening; you have reached the scheduled timeline. Welcome, Ariana.” I sensed queen and goddess energy within my being.

The Queen archetype represents a powerful and authoritative feminine energy that embodies leadership, sovereignty, and regal grace. This is what I sensed I will be stepping into and to a lesser degree goddess. Goddess archetype is a symbolic representation of feminine qualities and energies that are often associated with divine female figures in various cultures. These archetypes can embody attributes such as nurturing, wisdom, strength, and creativity. Since September of 2023, I have been focusing on sovereignty in my inner work and messaging. When I was welcomed, it was a celebration of my arrival as my true self with the ability to embody these truths.

Upon hearing my name, Ariana, my mind resisted because it connected with Ariana Grande, and I thought, “That cannot be right.” Yet they insisted on the name, it was clearly Ariana. I released my resistance and sank back into a state of flow. Ariana, I would need to look it up afterward…

I returned to the kaleidoscopic wormhole, relaxed as I awaited the next message. My jaw felt tense, and my ears popped repeatedly. Michelle came to massage my neck and jaw. I intuitively knew that this was where my body stored ancestral energy needing release. After eons of trauma, the shedding felt eternal. Time did not exist in this experience, although my mind would wonder and want to connect with the construct of it. Somehow time makes us feel safe. My throat was tight, thick, and constricted. My ears continued to pop, but eventually, the tension released through yawns and burps, feeling both intense and immensely relieving.

Intuitively, Michelle mentioned my book, “The Girl Without a Tribe,” which I published in October. She expressed her gratitude for my birthing it into the world. I began to cry gently. It was a mix of joy and sorrow, a realization of my purpose in putting this work out into the world and its value beyond what I can comprehend. The experience felt beautiful, akin to birthing a baby. I was a portal for that. I am a conduit of love and light information that flows through me.

Recognizing our shared origin trauma, Michelle aimed to create space for my grief and allow any remaining trauma to release. More tears fell, but this time felt different. What remained was so small, and mostly, because I have been on the other side of it for almost a year, it was a joyful sorrow acknowledging the pain while embracing the wisdom, beauty, and purpose found within it all. I reflected on all I had lost and gained. I felt finished and rejoiced in “it is completed.” The wound has been cleared. I was affirmed that I rise whole and ready. “You have been prepared for this.”

My heart began to race, prompting me to ask Michelle to anchor me. She held me as my tears subsided, giving me permission to release and cry. I said, “I have already cried oceans. I am done.” I knew I had finished grieving my losses.

The messages shifted to confirm my freedom and sovereignty, reminders of my arrival on Earth and at this moment in time, beyond the wound that consumed my life, to a place of knowing my essence: pure, powerful, beautiful, free, love-filled, wise, kind, and generous. I am one with Life, flowing with its intended unfolding. These sensations were words and feelings and knowing beyond a doubt. This is true.

This understanding infused my being, a profound knowing of my purity—not because I am perfect, but because of who I inherently am. They affirmed that I was ready due to all the layers I had shed and released. I felt prepared to remember the truth of it all, feeling remarkably light and real.

When we finished, I went outside. As I passed through the doors, I realized doors are portals that we create and walk through. We do not fully grasp the truth of reality; this became clear. We are much more powerful than we realize. The sun was shining, the breeze a delightful mix of warmth and chill. It felt wonderful to be here standing on a deck we recently built and looking at the expansive Blue Ridge mountains, alive, and aware of my truth. I embraced the day. “I created this”, I said to Michelle. She said, “Yes, you did.”

I wandered in our yard, connecting with plants, trees, and our dog. Everything conveyed its message to me. I often practice listening to trees and nature, but now I was unencumbered and enveloped in the universe’s awareness and intelligence. Swimming freely in the glory of it all. Life. Love. Information. Purity. Power. Freedom. Complete freedom to BE.

During this time, I connected with the truth that everything holds significance and meaning. For example, my white rabbits, placed around my office and home. This symbol has guided me, come to me in my dreams, become the logo for Finding Home. Seeing them during the session, reminded me of my path here, almost as if they were winking and smiling, saying, “See, I brought you Home. All the way Home. You’ve arrived.”

And I smiled because I knew they were right. I followed my heart and intuition, which led me in diverse directions. Sometimes I felt lost, yet in the end, I arrived.

And you will too!